Mandy's Madness

Weigh-In

2009-02-03T16:21:00.000-08:00

So I know I didn't follow through with through with my menu detailing last week but we lost Internet service for a few days because of the ice & snow we got. I did however lose 3 lbs!!! So yay me! I hope I am back on track. I know only I control that. I will just be glad when the weather turns nice so I can get out & move around, also I can't wait to get back into a place of my own so I can control the groceries a little more.

Yesterday's grub

2009-01-29T12:12:00.001-08:00

O.k. before I post what I had to eat yesterday, let me tell you about my day. Understand I am not making excuses, I just want to give you some insight into my day. Also I want to let people know I am still working on my eating issues. It started snowing Tuesday & it snowed & snowed & snowed. Then it started to rain, freezing rain mind you. This was probably a little after midnight on wed. morning so wed, I woke up to frozen snow. So basically my whole town shut down, all schools & most business'. I work at an oxygen company. Our patients rely on their oxygen so we will very rarely close down but I figured today might be one of those days. My mother in law was off so she kept my son, thank god I didn't have to take him out, & off I went to work. Luckily I live less than a quarter of a mile from work had it not been a ice rink outside & still sleeting out I would have walked. When I walked in my area manager announced that when our county reached a level 3 snow emergency we were closing down & going home. We were at that time a level 2. I was thinking good because I didn't have anything for lunch anyway( I usually keep lean cuisines in the fridge). The sleeting finally stopped then comes the snow, more snow. So now we have snow, ice, snow. It was snowing pretty freaking hard too but they never upgraded us to a level 3 snow emergency. So my boss announced since we were stuck having to work we were getting Bob Evans & letting our company pick up the tab. I know I could have made a much better choice than what I did but I could have done worse. So this is what my food intake looks like for yesterday:
Breakfast: nothing
this is something I need to work on. Me & my coworker were taking turns buying bread for toast or bagels but haven't in a while but I know I need to make sure I have breakfast.
Lunch:Bob Evans bob-b-q sandwich( not the knife & fork one) 655 cals 30 fat grams
side salad 137 calories 4 fat grams
lite ranch dressing104 calories 10 fat grams
supper: vegetable soup( my mother in law made) 465 calories 17 fat grams from hamburger
this is a guess could be less , I know it is not more
4 town house crackers for soup 80 calories 4.5 fat grams

total for yesterday:1441 calories 65.5

So I know I need to lessen my intake & also make healthier choices. I am going to work on that.

2009-01-28T08:20:00.000-08:00

O.k. So Valorie has dared me to blog everything I eat. Which I will accept this challenge but I will tell you my main problem so I can get some tips for this. This has been an area I have been having trouble with which is why I am choosing to do this. My problem is that my husband & I currently live with my in-laws, my mother in law doesn't know the meaning of healthy cooking. So I while I eat healthy during the day nighttime is my downfall. I need tips on how to resist the temptation of my mother-in-laws cooking.

3rd weigh in

2009-01-27T15:56:00.001-08:00

O.k so today was my third weigh-in. There will be no picture with this one because my camera batteries were dead. But really there is nothing to show. I lost 0. I guess that is better than a gain but not by much. Then I log on & read Lynn's post about giving it your all & about how there is so many people that want to join this challenge but they have to turn them away & I just feel like a huge disappointment. I have really let my team down but mostly I let myself down. I started this blog to vent my frustrations & get support for the one area I need int the most & am not getting it at home but I am not even taking the time to follow through with it. I feel like I have been a lousy team mate & for that I am sorry. All I can say is I am going to do my best to kick it up this week, I am also going to blog at LEAST one other time this week & that doesn't just mean logging on & reading others. I will say this as I am sure I am not the only one, if I could find a solution to this problem I would probably be a freakin waif, I am sick of eating when I am not hungry!!! I don't know why I do it. I really don't! I could be stuffed to the gills & keep eating & I am having a hard time getting past this. Maybe I need to see a shrink? Anyone have any good solutions for this problem because if you do, please tell me! O.k I will be back later in the week to catch up on my reading & this weekend to post another blog:) Maybe sooner if I get snowed in!

Weigh day

2009-01-20T15:12:00.000-08:00

Today had not been a good day for me. I weighed in today & I am up 1.2 lbs! After I did so well last week, I am so disappointed. I may have not exercised everyday but I didn't think I was going to be up. I think I am getting ready to start my period so I am hoping that is it. I haven't been on all week, & I know I should have logged in at least a few days. I know part of being in this challenge & part of the reason I even started to blog on here was to have the support to others going through the same thing I am & then I don't even take it. So I am making that a mini goal of mine this week to log on at least 4 of the 7 days . Even if I don't blog I need to be there to read others & support them.

I am having a terrible time in my personal life right now. Well I guess I shouldn't say terrible it could be ALOT worse. I work as a CSR for an oxygen company. I genuinely like my job. It has great hours 8:30-5 Monday thru Friday & I get along with everyone for the most part. I have worked there for a little over a year. There is another CSR that started a few months after I did & we became fast friends. She is one of my closest friends. I have quickly come to realize that is a problem especially with such a small amount of people working in a company because although she is a terrific friend she is a horrible CSR. I end up doing the lion share of the work. Our boss is not very confrontational so she doesn't really reprimand anyone. For example she made a comment a few weeks ago about people noticing Cassidy(the other CSR) playing around on her computer alot instead of working, so instead of telling her she needed cut out the playtime & work more, she helped rearrange her desk so nobody could see what she is doing on her computer. Since Jan. 1st w have had a big project for medicare & i have been swamped from the beginning of the day until the end & it has just been really eating at me seeing her texting her boyfriend all day, or hearing that she's left work, to got wal-mart( not on lunch time). I am just having a hard time getting past this. Jobs are in pretty big demand where I live people are losing there's left & right so it's not like I can just pack up & go elsewhere but I just need to figure out how to get past this.

Secondly,my husband son & I have been living with my in-laws for the past year. I wasn't able to work the last part of my pregnancy & then after I had my son I couldn't see myself going back to working 12 hour days at a factory so I quit my job there & ended up taking the afore mentioned job. Anyway being off with the pregnancy & then the pay cut that I took really set us behind. So we have been living with his parents for a little over a year. Recently we have been looking to move out. My husband & I are both animal lovers so when we got married we ended up with 6 cats( we now have 5 because 1 passed away) & 1 spoiled bulldog. Well through my communications with other bulldog owners I made friends with a girl in New Jersey. She had a male bullie. She also ended up getting a female pup. Well she ended up running in to some financial problems & is having to move back with her parents & was going to surrender her bullies to a rescue. So since Chad & I are looking to move out anyway we told her we would take them. I don't know if you have any experience with bullies but they are the sweetest must loving dogs you could ever ask for! So Chad's aunt had gotten married & moved in with her husband & had a 3 bedroom 2 bath house with 2 car garage, privacy fenced in yard & above ground pool sitting empty. So I told Chad to ask her to rent it to us! She said that she wished that we would have said something sooner but she had promised it to someone else but if they didn't end up taking it we could definitely have it. Well come to find out the people she had promised it to was her son-in-law's ex- wife., which in itself is a little strange to me. Anyway we found out yesterday that they are taking it. So now we have to find a place that will let us have all of our animals oh & our son:) I hope my week gets better!!

1st challenge weigh in

2009-01-13T07:40:00.000-08:00

So today was my first weigh in for the challenge & my weight was 232.2, so that means I was down 5.6lbs!!! I am incredibly excited but incredibly terrified all at the same time. I am so afraid of failing. I find myself on the verger of falling over the edge everyday. One thing I know I need to do & I plan on doing tonight is spending more time on here getting to know my fellow challengers & bloggers. I think tonight after my son goes to bed & after the biggest loser or maybe even during I will get on here & read every one's post so maybe I can get some insight & tips as to hot to stay on track & make it work this time. I know I can't keep thinking I am going to fail or I will. Even if I do have a bad day I just have to make it up the next. Anyway. So far so good, I think I am off to a good start!

Day 6

2009-01-08T15:02:00.000-08:00

So here I am on Day 6 & I hate to say anything for fear of jinxing myself but I have been doing quite alright. My official weigh in is not until tuesday, I changed it to that day because of another challenge I am in, but as I have told you I am a scaleaholic so you know I weigh myself every day. This morning when I weighed in I was pleasantly surprised! Now, I won't tell you until tuesday to keep my opponents in suspense,lol, but I think I may have found my willpower, at least for a little while. I have been counting my points, measuring my portions, writing them down, working out on my wii. Even trying to do the new Jillian Michael's game although it frustrates me to no end because I cannot figure it out. If anyone has any pointers on that game feel free to pass them along. Right now I am feeling better about myself than I have in along time!

Hi my name is Mandy & I am a scaleaholic.

2009-01-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

There I said it. It is out there for the world to know. I am addicted to my scale. I don't why, most of the time it makes me incredibly unhappy but I weigh myself at least 4 times a day. I weigh myself when I wake up, when I get home from work, when I change out of my work clothes before I exercise or eat supper & finally before I go to bed at night. I know this is unhealthy your weight can differ for several different reasons throughout the day but it doesn't matter. It's not as if I am counting on that number for anything, I just have to know. When I go to bed tonight will it be different from last night? Will I be down a little bit? It is my obsession. My boss does not weigh herself at all. Only once a year when she goes to the dr. does she know her definite weight. My co-worker does not own a scale either. To me this is madness, if my scale were to break I would go immediately to Wal-mart to buy another. I have tried to just weigh myself once a week but I can't do it. I think if I am weighing myself everyday at least I know if I am up a pound than I have to work a little harder today to get it off. Crazy? Probably. I know it is crazy to weigh myself 4 times a day, I just can't quit. A little bit of OCD possibly??

Day 3

2009-01-03T16:09:00.000-08:00

I am on day 3 of what is officially supposed to be the start of my new lifestyle & so far it hasn't been so great. I did get up & walk this morning but I cannot seem to control my eating. What's funny is before I eat something I think in my head how I shouldn't but I do it anyway. I guess it really is like the cartoons with the devil on one shoulder & the angel on the other but as of right now my devil is kicking my angel's ass. I really need to turn that around. I am going to be starting a few challenges coming up so I am sure that will help. For some reason I have always done better in challenges, it's like if I have someone else to report to I will make myself do better. Especially if I have a partner, I fear letting people down. Maybe I need to work on not letting myself down as well.

The official weigh in

2009-01-02T16:29:00.000-08:00

So I weighed in this morning at 237.8. I was going to post a pic of my weight but didn't have time to take it this morning so hopefully next week I will give myself a little more time in the morning. Today was supposed to be the official start to my new life & I didn't do so well with my eating or my exercise. I am happy I at least got on here & blogged but I just have to find my will power, I know I have buried deep with in me. My problem is also my friend & co-worker. She is also an overweight girl like myself who was once smaller. She says her weight bothers her & we have exercised together in the past but the problem is she never seems to want to change her eating habits. I know it is really not my problem except it is. Everyday when I have something in the fridge that is completely healthy that I should be eating she somehow talks me into eating out or just eating something other than what I should be. I just have a hard time saying no because food is my weakness. I am really going to have to work at this or I am never going to succeed, I just don't know how to do it right now. Tomorrow will be my first day of getting back into cardio. I am either going to walk, go to the Y & do machines or do my wii fit or maybe a combination. We shall see what tomorrow holds. I am taking this one day at a time....

And so it begins...

2008-12-31T15:10:00.000-08:00

This is the last day of 2008 & hopefully the next to the last day of the old me. Why the next to the last day you ask? Well for starters any time I try to start something on Jan.1st it fails so I figure I will try starting my new way of life on the 2nd. Also we are having sausage & sauerkraut tomorrow. So here is a little about me & my struggle with weight. Like so many other overweight people I have struggled with my weight my whole life. I would lose weight only to quickly gain it back. In 1996 I went from 180 to 140 I also started dating my first serious boyfriend, in Jan of 1997, I was 18. Of course during the course of our relationship I got comfortable & started putting the weight back on. I also learned that who I was on the inside didn't matter enough to him, he started cheating on me & we broke up in Dec of 2001. When we broke up I weighed 209 lbs. Over the course of our relationship we had been engaged the first time we were supposed to get married was may of 2000 & he called it off saying he wasn't ready but we continued to date & then we set another date Feb 2002 & of course we broke up before that. He also let me know throughout the relationship that he wasn't really attracted to me anymore because I was putting on the weight, wasn't putting on make-up, fixing my hair like I used to, etc. Oh I should also mention I have battled depression since I was 16. O.k. so the whole time we were broke up I was miserable because I wanted him back so much. Well we started dating again in Dec 2003 I had just started losing weight again I was down to 180 when we started dating & again after we started dating I got comfortable & put it back on. These went right back to the way they were before we broke up the first time. Needless to say we only lasted until July of 04. When we broke up I was back up to 195. I didn't waste any time this time though. I hit the weight loss with all my might. I did it with my best friend & by may of 2005 I was 140 lbs & wearing size 8's. Well it didn't last long. My friend Chad got out of the Army & moved home & we started dating. We got engaged that following January & set the date for Sept 30,2006. In July of that year I found out I was pregnant. I weighed 170 when I found out I was pregnant I was up to 200 by my wedding day & when I delivered my son On March 30th 2007 I weighed 285 lbs. I gained 115 lbs during my pregnancy! So here I am almost 2 years later & I still don't have it all off. I swore I would have it off by his 1st birthday, well that came & went, than I said my 30th birthday, well that didn't happen. Now I am just sick of not doing anything about it. That is why I am starting this blog. I am hoping to hold myself accountable. As I am sure you can tell I am not a great writer but I am hoping if I post my weekly weigh- in's for all the world to see. It will make me take action! So my first weigh in will be Friday night. Happy New Years!